[ Maybe that part makes sense to him then, in some distant way when he thinks about her world (tries not to tumble back into the memory of it).
A light huff, and he shakes his head, rubbing a hand over his knee. ]
It's nothing. [ He dressed the wounds on his own, places where the claws sank in. His mother was a nurse.
He eyes her again. ] You're okay?
[ From her own fight in town. He doesn't see any wounds on her, and can't sense any immediate feedback. Most of his anger has simmered by now - the rest redirected toward Ren. ]
I am. [ She had reacted too quickly for them to even think about laying a hand on her, that was how she preferred things. She pushes some of her frazzled curls out of her eyes, reflecting further on the comments made to her on this issue. Prince's harsh and immediate disapproval, Steve's appeal to new ways, Lexa's understanding shrug.
She chews over the emotion, and though there is a faintly sour note to it, she says, ]
I am sorry if I caused you trouble or concern.
[ She is not sorry for what she did, and that is where the sourness comes from, but... She cannot and is disinclined to deny that she has grown rapidly fond of both Steven and Ren. Her actions had caused them trouble. She is not used to her actions having effect on anyone else. She has not cared for anyone else in what feels like her entire life, whatever childish feelings she might have had quickly eclipsed by fear and her utter sycophancy for the Godking.
[ He wasn't expecting an apology. Not after their previous conversation. His lips part, sucking in a short breath. ]
We're a team. [ The word comes more comfortably than brood. They need to work together.
His thoughts stray for a moment, then: ]
I've never killed anyone before.
[ He doesn't want to have to. Not unless there's no other choice. But even if he's not the one to carry out the deed, from this moment on the blood on their hands is also his. ]
[ She wonders what that feels like. She has killed a handful of people personally, and has watched innumerable die, seen innumerable dead. It was all the same, she was complicit in it all as a denizen of her ugly fractured world with its mad king, who she adored. It did not cause her pain the way it did to Steve. Or maybe it did and she was merely used to ignoring it. ]
I... hope you will not have to.
[ She purses her lips. Not sure how to articulate what else needs to be said. She can contemplate her own actions, but then there was Ren. ]
Me too. [ But there's a sense that he knows things will shift. He was preparing to go to war before he came here, to fight for something he believed in (to prove he could carry his own weight).
What both Ilde and Ren had done were different.
The conversations falls away from him after that, his expression somber. ]
[ She is quiet for a long moment as well, not wanting to continue because to talk about Kylo Ren was to talk about herself. They were entangled because they were alike beneath their divergent exteriors. They were fearful and weak and used devotion and dogma to make themselves feel safe. For all the independence and personality each showed, they were shadows of people, their minds twisted, parts of themselves lost years ago. It drew them together. They saw it in each other. ]
Sometimes I become so agitated that it hurts those around me. [ He knows. He's felt it. She swallows. ] It swallows me, as if burning inside. Ren is... I understand him.
[ In the silence he pulls his knees up, resting his chin on them while his gaze fixes on some point in the distance. ]
I know. [ The line between his eyebrows deepens. ] But I think you care if you hurt people.
[ Forceful words, lines drawn. Understanding can only go so far. They're each they're own person, no matter how easy or tempting it is to blend and echo thoughts. No matter how much their pasts mirror each other. There's strength to those differences.
Between Ilde and Ren, Steve sees the big difference in that the latter has no desire or intention to learn control. ]
[ She can't say that's true. She isn't sorry that the punk is dead, she's only sorry that anyone made the connection between herself and her brood. She cares with specificity, and even her care is precarious, built out of selfishness; self-satisfaction. ]
I don't think I am. [ Even if she only cared about them right now, it was something. He's not as sure Ren wouldn't have rather seen him fall down that cliff. But - ] I'll talk to him later.
[ Silent for a moment, looking at him. She is reminded, as she often enough is, that there is a reason she is tied to him. They too have their similarities. She inclines her head, letting the emotions that have been making her face red quiet themselves once more. ]
As will I.
[ Though assuredly each of those conversations will be very different. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
A light huff, and he shakes his head, rubbing a hand over his knee. ]
It's nothing. [ He dressed the wounds on his own, places where the claws sank in. His mother was a nurse.
He eyes her again. ] You're okay?
[ From her own fight in town. He doesn't see any wounds on her, and can't sense any immediate feedback. Most of his anger has simmered by now - the rest redirected toward Ren. ]
no subject
I am. [ She had reacted too quickly for them to even think about laying a hand on her, that was how she preferred things. She pushes some of her frazzled curls out of her eyes, reflecting further on the comments made to her on this issue. Prince's harsh and immediate disapproval, Steve's appeal to new ways, Lexa's understanding shrug.
She chews over the emotion, and though there is a faintly sour note to it, she says, ]
I am sorry if I caused you trouble or concern.
[ She is not sorry for what she did, and that is where the sourness comes from, but... She cannot and is disinclined to deny that she has grown rapidly fond of both Steven and Ren. Her actions had caused them trouble. She is not used to her actions having effect on anyone else. She has not cared for anyone else in what feels like her entire life, whatever childish feelings she might have had quickly eclipsed by fear and her utter sycophancy for the Godking.
There is much to be learned. ]
no subject
We're a team. [ The word comes more comfortably than brood. They need to work together.
His thoughts stray for a moment, then: ]
I've never killed anyone before.
[ He doesn't want to have to. Not unless there's no other choice. But even if he's not the one to carry out the deed, from this moment on the blood on their hands is also his. ]
no subject
[ She wonders what that feels like. She has killed a handful of people personally, and has watched innumerable die, seen innumerable dead. It was all the same, she was complicit in it all as a denizen of her ugly fractured world with its mad king, who she adored. It did not cause her pain the way it did to Steve. Or maybe it did and she was merely used to ignoring it. ]
I... hope you will not have to.
[ She purses her lips. Not sure how to articulate what else needs to be said. She can contemplate her own actions, but then there was Ren. ]
no subject
What both Ilde and Ren had done were different.
The conversations falls away from him after that, his expression somber. ]
no subject
Sometimes I become so agitated that it hurts those around me. [ He knows. He's felt it. She swallows. ] It swallows me, as if burning inside. Ren is... I understand him.
no subject
I know. [ The line between his eyebrows deepens. ] But I think you care if you hurt people.
[ Forceful words, lines drawn. Understanding can only go so far. They're each they're own person, no matter how easy or tempting it is to blend and echo thoughts. No matter how much their pasts mirror each other. There's strength to those differences.
Between Ilde and Ren, Steve sees the big difference in that the latter has no desire or intention to learn control. ]
no subject
You are mistaken about me.
[ A sigh. ]
I will not allow him to be dismissed. He is ours.
[ Determination to her brood. ]
no subject
I don't think I am. [ Even if she only cared about them right now, it was something. He's not as sure Ren wouldn't have rather seen him fall down that cliff. But - ] I'll talk to him later.
[ He knows he can't ignore Ren forever. ]
no subject
As will I.
[ Though assuredly each of those conversations will be very different. ]