(You want to say it, but you're not certain, are you? He's unstable.)
[While he doesn't have a physical deformity, someone like him likely would have upset leadership among her people long ago.
Someone like him either would have been killed or exiled.
It's just the way her culture is, so it's hard to view Ren as more than a Problem that may need to be solved (which is precisely why she's going to attempt to use him first).]
[Her approach to Ilde is more condescending than likely deserved, but it feels as if there is so much about her that adapts poorly, as if concepts are out of reach, held at her fingertips like they're strange things yet to be defined. Lexa still doesn't know how much she holds close, but she knows she doesn't trust her. She is just as capable of being a loose cannon, albeit one that hasn't been tested again.]
(And we all affect one another. One of your problems affected Angel, and thus led to me. We cannot treat our broods as if they are individual entities, even if that would be ideal.)
[Read: she wants to leave Castor to Castor, but that isn't as possible as she'd like.]
[ The mention of what happened to Angel strikes a nerve, and though he goes silent for another moment, his mind hums with tension. ]
(You got any suggestions?)
[ He's not opposed to outside help, but after the Darkling's idea of help - he's more wary, more defensive. In his mind, Ilde's been fine. It's Ren that's the loose cannon, and the scary part about that is his broodmate's easy influence. Not just by the rest of Castor (he'd admit that out of the three of them left, Ren doesn't seem to care much about what any of them think if it's at odds with his own ideas), but by people like the Darkling and Catheway, even Hux to a degree, a guy who's known Ren for longer than all of them and felt like the best way to deal with him was to get him seeking approval from a stronger force.
Maybe Catheway's better than that last force, but still - there's something deeply wrong about... all of this. ]
(I will be honest with you.) [She knows there will be a cost to this honesty, but he has asked and she's willing to provide. It's as simple as that.] (My people believe in culling the problems that exist among us. We either exile those with deformities, or kill the ones who cause problems. Though we've adopted a lighter approach to such matters, it was always done with the belief that some will need to be removed. My instincts toward someone as ... unpredictable as him is to rid ourselves of the danger. But for now, I'd like to see if we can guide and direct him. If not, it may be prudent to allow him to submit to the Nest so that he becomes less of himself.)
[Someone that powerful handed over to the Nest could be a problem in its own right. It's clear that Lexa sees that as a way of committing someone, to handing them over to deal with the issue at hand—it's a punishment rather than anything full of virtue. She doesn't like the chance that they will lose themselves. No, she hates it, but her feelings toward Ren are cold and exacting.
Even so, she expects Steve not to take it well, recalling the edge to his thoughts from before when she had been callous like this. There's the sense that she's steeling herself for it. Lexa comes from a harsh world, and she is their leader. She could change these practices, but doesn't. She knows that. It is who she is, even if she is trying a different, better way.
Those decisions may not carry over to this world. That's one thing she hasn't yet decided on.]
[ The harsh methods of her world don't immediately elicit shock: there're plenty of folks back home that don't see a problem with that line of thinking, and plenty that act on it under the guise of the greater good, secure in their belief that they're right.
It's the second half of her solution that seems to make his blood run cold, his heels digging in. ]
(We're not doing that to him.) [ Not as a last resort, not for the greater good. He won't force or manipulate anyone down the Nest's rabbit hole. ]
(Guiding's not gonna work. Ren thinks he knows better than all of us. If the worst case scenario happens again, we can take him out as a group, but otherwise the guy's not gonna listen to anyone he doesn't respect.) [ Which is basically everyone in the Nest. ]
(You're wrong. I think I know better than everyone else. He's dependent on the opinion of a few, and thinks that he's been wise in his decisions. It may seem like arrogance, but it's dependence. He may fall into the Nest with or without our coaxing.)
[She's self-aware, at least. Does that mean she'll be humble? No, but it does mean that she considers her words and actions before she says them, and has done what she can to adequately ensure that they are right, at least. Lexa has her doubts, but she has been trained and trained and trained to act with a conviction that makes it seem as if they don't exist.
Besides, as much as she can seem inflexible, she can change according to a situation, and adapt depending on what is happening. As long as they are set in the right place from the beginning, changes can be made.]
(You ask about Cathaway because you know that he's dependent upon her. I don't trust any of the older Hosts. If you're reluctant to give Ren to the Nest, then you can understand why. There are too many holes in our situation with the years that Carata and others claim are behind it. We can't risk trusting those who have been there and have let it happen this way.) ["Let" being a very, very light term.
She isn't even openly asking for defiance. But Lexa finds it easier to not trust with how little it adds up for her, but she knows that she has to keep an open mind. She accepted that there were always enemies, always people to attack, always people saved. Cathaway had offered her that, and she could see the truth of it.
But there are other truths that seem as if they are obscured by acceptance. Lexa does not come from a very accepting culture.]
[ You're wrong grates, just a bit (more than a bit). He's the one stuck with Ren as a broodmate.
But then, it's not like Steve goes around proclaiming he understands the intricacies of Ren's inner workings. Fact is, he doesn't often understand Ren's motives or decisions. He stews for another few seconds in those thoughts, eventually focusing on the second half of what she says: about Catheway and Carata and whoever else is out there like them. He doesn't mistrust them individually, not all the time, but it remains that there's a similar sense of dislike toward the way the Nest operates - the lack of transparency. Time hasn't done much to fix that. ]
(Letting him fall down that hole means giving him more power.) [ And leaves him susceptible to some force that they don't completely understand, that neither of them trust.
Frustration begins to build again. ] (Look, you're right. He's not stable. But he just lost someone, and he wasn't the only one making bad decisions.) [ The Darkling proved he has some questionable ideas about what's right and wrong too. ] (We aren't a team.)
[ Not one that's got a great record so far, anyway. ]
(We're not.) [And a happy situation where they all go in believing that teamwork is the key is not what Lexa wants. Parker had wrongly believed that of her, and it made communication between them ... impossible, to say the least.]
(A fairer view of the Nest is that it offers us the freedom we want without any push in any direction. The problem is that it's made the Nest very poor at what it sets out to do. I'm hoping that we can all take initiative, with or without a unified identity, to function better to complete missions.)
[To bring it about, Lexa has been acting.]
(But we won't function without seeing things for what they are. Ren should not have attached to Cathaway so quickly. He views her as everything to him. His instability is only emphasized right now.
The other decisions will need to be assessed on their own merit.) [She intends to do that, because still: what the hell, the Darkling.]
[ She said it herself, they've all got the freedom to do what they want with little to no consequences. That works when it works, and when it doesn't - ]
[Well, she's made the biggest mistake so far that got someone killed, and it led to her deepened grudge against Prince (which informs all of her other opinions). Whoops.]
(I expect us to keep each other accountable. And do our best to prevent future mistakes. Not everyone is prepared for this.)
[To Ilde's credit, she did decide she had to try a different tack on things. Lexa gives her that much credit, but this is the same mindset she had when speaking to her before. Now, they just need to somehow get Ren on board (hah) and the Darkling (Lexa thinks this more likely).]
Edited (forgot to choose an icon) 2016-09-08 00:44 (UTC)
(Can't argue with that either.) [ Any of it. But, to a larger degree than maybe Lexa does right now, he believes that most everyone's capable of figuring out how to manage.
Even Ren, maybe.
In all the universes pigs gotta fly somewhere, right? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ But they've lost people before. ]
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[While he doesn't have a physical deformity, someone like him likely would have upset leadership among her people long ago.
Someone like him either would have been killed or exiled.
It's just the way her culture is, so it's hard to view Ren as more than a Problem that may need to be solved (which is precisely why she's going to attempt to use him first).]
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( Ren's ours to deal with if he is. )
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[Her approach to Ilde is more condescending than likely deserved, but it feels as if there is so much about her that adapts poorly, as if concepts are out of reach, held at her fingertips like they're strange things yet to be defined. Lexa still doesn't know how much she holds close, but she knows she doesn't trust her. She is just as capable of being a loose cannon, albeit one that hasn't been tested again.]
( And we all affect one another. One of your problems affected Angel, and thus led to me. We cannot treat our broods as if they are individual entities, even if that would be ideal. )
[Read: she wants to leave Castor to Castor, but that isn't as possible as she'd like.]
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( You got any suggestions? )
[ He's not opposed to outside help, but after the Darkling's idea of help - he's more wary, more defensive. In his mind, Ilde's been fine. It's Ren that's the loose cannon, and the scary part about that is his broodmate's easy influence. Not just by the rest of Castor (he'd admit that out of the three of them left, Ren doesn't seem to care much about what any of them think if it's at odds with his own ideas), but by people like the Darkling and Catheway, even Hux to a degree, a guy who's known Ren for longer than all of them and felt like the best way to deal with him was to get him seeking approval from a stronger force.
Maybe Catheway's better than that last force, but still - there's something deeply wrong about... all of this. ]
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[Someone that powerful handed over to the Nest could be a problem in its own right. It's clear that Lexa sees that as a way of committing someone, to handing them over to deal with the issue at hand—it's a punishment rather than anything full of virtue. She doesn't like the chance that they will lose themselves. No, she hates it, but her feelings toward Ren are cold and exacting.
Even so, she expects Steve not to take it well, recalling the edge to his thoughts from before when she had been callous like this. There's the sense that she's steeling herself for it. Lexa comes from a harsh world, and she is their leader. She could change these practices, but doesn't. She knows that. It is who she is, even if she is trying a different, better way.
Those decisions may not carry over to this world. That's one thing she hasn't yet decided on.]
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It's the second half of her solution that seems to make his blood run cold, his heels digging in. ]
( We're not doing that to him. ) [ Not as a last resort, not for the greater good. He won't force or manipulate anyone down the Nest's rabbit hole. ]
( Guiding's not gonna work. Ren thinks he knows better than all of us. If the worst case scenario happens again, we can take him out as a group, but otherwise the guy's not gonna listen to anyone he doesn't respect. ) [ Which is basically everyone in the Nest. ]
( How much do you trust Catheway? )
[ His own thoughts seem to waver. ]
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[She's self-aware, at least. Does that mean she'll be humble? No, but it does mean that she considers her words and actions before she says them, and has done what she can to adequately ensure that they are right, at least. Lexa has her doubts, but she has been trained and trained and trained to act with a conviction that makes it seem as if they don't exist.
Besides, as much as she can seem inflexible, she can change according to a situation, and adapt depending on what is happening. As long as they are set in the right place from the beginning, changes can be made.]
( You ask about Cathaway because you know that he's dependent upon her. I don't trust any of the older Hosts. If you're reluctant to give Ren to the Nest, then you can understand why. There are too many holes in our situation with the years that Carata and others claim are behind it. We can't risk trusting those who have been there and have let it happen this way. ) ["Let" being a very, very light term.
She isn't even openly asking for defiance. But Lexa finds it easier to not trust with how little it adds up for her, but she knows that she has to keep an open mind. She accepted that there were always enemies, always people to attack, always people saved. Cathaway had offered her that, and she could see the truth of it.
But there are other truths that seem as if they are obscured by acceptance. Lexa does not come from a very accepting culture.]
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But then, it's not like Steve goes around proclaiming he understands the intricacies of Ren's inner workings. Fact is, he doesn't often understand Ren's motives or decisions. He stews for another few seconds in those thoughts, eventually focusing on the second half of what she says: about Catheway and Carata and whoever else is out there like them. He doesn't mistrust them individually, not all the time, but it remains that there's a similar sense of dislike toward the way the Nest operates - the lack of transparency. Time hasn't done much to fix that. ]
( Letting him fall down that hole means giving him more power. ) [ And leaves him susceptible to some force that they don't completely understand, that neither of them trust.
Frustration begins to build again. ] ( Look, you're right. He's not stable. But he just lost someone, and he wasn't the only one making bad decisions. ) [ The Darkling proved he has some questionable ideas about what's right and wrong too. ] ( We aren't a team. )
[ Not one that's got a great record so far, anyway. ]
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( A fairer view of the Nest is that it offers us the freedom we want without any push in any direction. The problem is that it's made the Nest very poor at what it sets out to do. I'm hoping that we can all take initiative, with or without a unified identity, to function better to complete missions. )
[To bring it about, Lexa has been acting.]
( But we won't function without seeing things for what they are. Ren should not have attached to Cathaway so quickly. He views her as everything to him. His instability is only emphasized right now.
The other decisions will need to be assessed on their own merit. ) [She intends to do that, because still: what the hell, the Darkling.]
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[ She said it herself, they've all got the freedom to do what they want with little to no consequences. That works when it works, and when it doesn't - ]
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[That's part of why she hasn't entirely forgiven Ilde, either.]
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[ He's noticing that Ilde keeps coming up. ]
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( I expect us to keep each other accountable. And do our best to prevent future mistakes. Not everyone is prepared for this. )
[To Ilde's credit, she did decide she had to try a different tack on things. Lexa gives her that much credit, but this is the same mindset she had when speaking to her before. Now, they just need to somehow get Ren on board (hah) and the Darkling (Lexa thinks this more likely).]
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Even Ren, maybe.
In all the universes pigs gotta fly somewhere, right? ]
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[She firmly believes that one will bring about the other.]