(You're not a coward. ) [ Conviction tinged with frustration hums across the line again, and he lifts his eyes to watch Bucky. Another pause. ]
(If you need space, that's one thing. You leaving to protect us - or asking Sam to make you that promise -) [ He shakes his head, shutting his eyes for a second. ] (- you aren't sparing us from anything.)
[ He meets Bucky's memories with his own, the three men at the Bearings on Concordia from Steve's perspective, the comfort and ease he felt from their presence, the irreplaceable sense of belonging in that moment on another planet that has little to do with a past Bucky doesn't fully remember or a future Steve never lived. ]
[When Steve looks up at him, Bucky doesn't return the favor. Instead, he keeps his gaze down, but he doesn't need to see Steve's face to feel the thrum of his conviction. It reverberates over the link, echoing around in the empty space in Bucky's head rather than sinking in. Like rainwater on asphalt, the sentiment splashes everywhere but doesn't soak in.
Memories bubble over the link, full of warmth and contentment, and Bucky bites his lip. He doesn't want to take that away from Steve.
So he doesn't say anything at all, though he can't exactly hide the fact that he doesn't believe Steve.]
[ He goes quiet again for a few minutes, biting his tongue and continuing to let the memory of those feelings echo across the link mingling with rough threads of frustration and stubborn metal links. ]
You don't have to believe me. It's the truth. [ He wouldn't let it stand if it were anyone else calling Bucky Barnes a coward. ]
[Truth is a strange thing, in Bucky's mind. What's true for one person is false for another; what someone believes to be absolute, is subjective to his fellow. The fact is that he ran from the pet store, to protect Sam and the rest of the Nest and to protect himself from the guilt of the death he caused. No amount of stewing can replace the lives he took and no amount of believing in truth will absolve him.
Yet, he tries to shutter himself in--- to keep Steve out--- and pushes up mental walls he should have built before looking for Steve, before spilling everything onto his friend without warning.
This isn't Concordia. Things have happened here that shouldn't.]
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( If you need space, that's one thing. You leaving to protect us - or asking Sam to make you that promise - ) [ He shakes his head, shutting his eyes for a second. ] ( - you aren't sparing us from anything. )
[ He meets Bucky's memories with his own, the three men at the Bearings on Concordia from Steve's perspective, the comfort and ease he felt from their presence, the irreplaceable sense of belonging in that moment on another planet that has little to do with a past Bucky doesn't fully remember or a future Steve never lived. ]
no subject
Memories bubble over the link, full of warmth and contentment, and Bucky bites his lip. He doesn't want to take that away from Steve.
So he doesn't say anything at all, though he can't exactly hide the fact that he doesn't believe Steve.]
no subject
You don't have to believe me. It's the truth. [ He wouldn't let it stand if it were anyone else calling Bucky Barnes a coward. ]
no subject
Yet, he tries to shutter himself in--- to keep Steve out--- and pushes up mental walls he should have built before looking for Steve, before spilling everything onto his friend without warning.
This isn't Concordia. Things have happened here that shouldn't.]